Fonce ..

I was at my Clan fires. Odd for me .. but it happens once in a while. Usually when I am easy with the idea that I will be avoiding most of the Elders and their questions. Questions I do not have answers for yet.

I was sitting at the fire alone .. with an egg in my fingers ... turning it slowly in the light from the coals .... when Tarra happened by and stopped to talk to me. We spoke of many things .. of Saresh and Mayala for one. It is not an easy subject for me .. Mayala asked me for help and I sent her back to Saresh.

I can not say I could have made any other decision but .. I am still haunted by it. When someone asks you for help .. and you do not give it ... when they are lost .... how responsible are you? I do not know .. despite the fact that there is not much that I could do. It still haunts me.

She asked me about me. Not something people do. At least in regards to my Clan and what I do as a Haruspex. I told her I was the last in my family's line of Dream walkers. I am a Dreamer. My success at being such is up for question still .. but that is who I am. The rest? I have not been able to do since .. De.. well since her. That I have not spoken of with anyone.

I just can not go back there .. yet. I can not face my failure ... yet. Not until I understand it some. Perhaps someday someone will allow me to go there with them .. and I will get passed this. But until then I .. just can not.

That part of my ability is as frozen as her fingers.

Tarra asked what I would want from someone if I could have anything I wanted. I told her .. understanding. I seem to be having that conversation more lately than I ever have before in my life. People asking me what I want. On one hand it is not that much to ask .. and on the other it seems to be like asking for one of the moons.

My conversation with Tarra was interrupted .. I had to go be Ubar. But the egg was ready .. and for that I was pleased.