How Does She .. Do That

And she said ...

"You've got to give a little, take a little,
And let your poor heart break a little.
Thats the story of, thats the glory of love.

You've got to laugh a little, cry a little,
Before the clouds roll by a little.
Thats the story of, thats the glory of love.

As long as there's the two of us,
We've got the world and all its charms.
And when the world is through with us,
We've got each others arms.

You've got to win a little, lose a little,
And always have the blues just a little.
Thats the story of, thats the glory of love."

-Keb' Mo'

I do not remember all she said to me while we gazed up at the clouds. I just remember how it all came out in my head. Like she regurgitated a bunch of colored strings and I wove it into a picture of thoughts.

Mostly the reason for that was that I was three sheets to the wind. Soused. Drunk. Blitzed. Stoned. Happy in my chemically induced coma.

I think I got the gist of it down pretty good though. Because .. it was not just that conversation I had to go on to interpret it. I had a bunch of conversations and a bunch of actions that all added up to one thing.

A woman that can take it all .. all of it ... and make it into something that has faith and love and goodness all through it. Like she just has a shit load of the stuff laying around to spare.

Now there was a time I doubted her. When I thought she was just a naive little kid that had not tasted all I had. And of course she had a right to be happy .. she had no reason not to be.

But since I have met T'zuri I have seen the Sky throw some pretty big hunks of misery her way. Some real hardships .. like me for one. And I have seen her stumble a little. Which just makes her more believable to me. I know now she really felt it. Knew that place .. that place where I am stuck at. If she just breezed through it and never let it get to her at all .. seems to me that would not be anything to really take notice of.

That girl lost her way for a bit. Thanks to a little help from her friends. But here she is .. same as before ... crawling up my ass and making me happy despite myself. I do not deserve that. I just do not. But she does it anyway and .. in a way I just can not fault her for. Even when I try .. she just smoothes it all away like I never was such a hard ass on her.

She is not my mother .. shaking he finger at me all fired up with some kind of need to dominate and teach me a lesson. So I do not dig in my heels just to spite her.

She is not my sister .. with some kind of teary plea for me to stop being such a bastard and get some feelings for Sky's sake. So I do not get all frustrated with her tender spirit and nagging at me.

She is not an up tight woman getting all bent out of shape and defending herself against everything I say .. clamping a hand over her mouth in case she gets all diseased from me. She swallows everything I say .. like it means something. Like I know what I am talking about .. only when it comes back out of her mouth it is just missing all that bile and hatred and anger and hurt.

Now I do not have that kind of belief yet. That kind of faith or hope just is not in me. But I see it in her .. and I want to believe. Believe there is a way out of that place I am stuck at. Believe I can get to the place where I do not destroy the things I take into my hands.

Especially her.