Save ..

If there is one thing to scare me out of apathy .. if there is one thing that can jolt me and infuse me with the stark real painful desire to survive ... it is walls.

Walls.

I hate walls. I hate anything over my head. I hate feeling shut off .. captured ... blind .. deaf and dumb to the sensations happening around me. Now when it happens inside .. it is less startling than when it happens on the outside.

Losing the ability to reason .. to think ... to process thought in any logical manner.

Looking back ... it is interesting that something so much like what I was all ready experiencing could free me. But at the time .. I was not really analyzing it with such a clean and precise scalpel.

When I woke it was to a green-blue haze that played around me in the air like electricity taking shape to dance in front of my eyes .. but it was not. It was light on the walls. White walls. Clean .. white ... walls all around me. I jumped up and turned to run .. but I was surrounded .. up? But no there was a wall there too. I tore at the walls until there was nothing left of my nails but deep bloody wounds at the tips of my fingers. I screamed and yelled until my voice failed me .. until my breath gave way and I imploded into myself .. into my head and I fell back and laid there .. staring at the light that flickered on the walls.

It was only then I became aware of the window .. a window that looked out upon a great expanse of water .. green water. Water with light reflecting off rolling white capped waves and splashing the color all over the walls. I wanted to get to the window .. to escape ... but I was too spent. Too far gone to move or speak.

There were scents .. heavy perfumes. Flowers .. but not like plains flowers .. virgin small and sweet. No I could tell these were weighted blooms of mature sticky experience. There was music. But not music like on the plains. It was music with strings .. slowly tortured into shades of blue. Low off key tones that lulled the eyes to half slits of drugged sad pleasure. There was rain .. I think. Moisture in the air but not the kind of moisture that washed everything clean. It was the kind of moisture that took every sound .. every scent .. every color and gave it focus .. blowing it up bigger than it ever really was. Aging it to a fine .. thick consistency. Like Turian liqueur .. you could leave finger prints in the air.

It all pressed into the room where I was captured .. choking the life out of everything ... out of me.

I wept for my plains flowers .. for my plains music ... for my clean air and the ability to breathe it in without it getting caught in my throat. I wanted music with drums .. music to dance to .. to laugh to. I wanted to live .. I wanted to be alive ... but I was so drowsy .. sleepy ....

someone

save

me