Everything Has a Place

Kaioba is a beautiful intelligent and spirited Tuchuk woman. I know .. I nearly took her as my mate. But that Kaioba is a different Kaioba than the one I know today. Now that could have some to do with the fact that neither one of us knew each other well enough to be mating .. and that also could have something to do with the fact that many years have passed since that time .. years apart .... and everyone changes .. grows ... moves forward in different ways.

I do not know what experiences and life has happened to Kaioba during those years. And vice versa she has no idea what I have been through or who I am today .. molded and forged by these things.

I am confused how she is so sure .. so confident in what she wants and who she wants. I have become more unsure over the years and the years have only seemed to make her more solid in her feelings.

Her faith is stronger. Mine is lost. Her belief more solid .. mine is empty. I am more convinced today that I can live alone .. my fear of being alone has turned to anger and that anger has cooled and calcified into apathy on the outer edges though the core is still hot and thick. The words "I will be there for you" are paper thin and easily torn and shredded by reality.

What secrets did she learn on this quest for self she has been on? I have never had much patience with such things .. I figure if it is something I need to know I will learn it here .. where I belong doing what I am supposed to be doing. But I can not argue with the fact that she has returned with a purpose and a comfortable idea of what she wants. At least when pushed a little.

She is clear .. like Falon ... with what she wants from me. I have this habit of asking ... you see.

She asked me what I wanted. I told her.

Kaioba has boundaries. So does Falon. These things are good to know for a man. It gives him parameters. Lets him know how his universe works and settles his thoughts. I know for a fact that neither Kaioba or Falon would ever submit. Ever tolerate a collar around their throat. I am not sure .. because Falon got too angry when I asked ... but I think that Falon would even kill herself before such a thing would be accepted by her.

I want this from you Fonce.

I do not want that from you Fonce.

I will offer this ... I will by no means offer that.

Everything has a place ... and everything in its place.