Mourning

It did not take long for the Sky to let me know how it was going to punish me for my insolence.

Sitting around the Fires and talking to Cana .. Arigh was all withered at her wagon steps. There was something in the air but I still had not quite gotten the gist of it. More concerned with the size of the iron pot it was going to take upside my head to get my attention.

Grin.

So then later .. sitting around the fire some more ... here came T'zuri looking like someone ate her best friend. Well I mean .. a different best friend besides Snooker. And sure enough ... out it came that Kazhuye was dead. Taken to the Sky by a giant strike of lightning.

Figures.

Leave it to the Sky to hit me right where it hurt the most.

Fucking figures.

Convenient? No .. not bloody convenient at all. In fact it ruined everything. It was a completely selfish .. self centered ... self absorbed moment and I was rolling around in it getting covered from head to toe.

Did I feel sorry for Kazhuye? No. I was irritated with him. He disrespected everything the First Fires are about and then blew it all off like it did not matter. Any warrior that could not figure out how to obey an Oralu was going to die anyway .. sooner or later. But why could it not be later?

The Sky gave and the Sky took away. But this was personal.

Did I feel sorry for Arigh who seemed to have lost her senses over it? No. The life of a Tuchuk is not soft and gentle with happy endings and warm centers. It is all raw and real and sometimes bad things happen. Other times ... really bad things happen. Did I feel sorry for T'zuri who was also going around moping and sad? No. I found her sadness and grief irritating and it grated on my nerves for it just served to remind me that it was all ruined. All of it. Smashed up and strewn across the plains with no hope of putting it back together.

Well about then I looked a little down in the face too I am sure and if everyone thought I was all broken up about Kazhuye they could just go on thinking so. I was not feeling sorry for anyone but myself and I figured I had enough reasons to right then not to begrudge myself a few introspective pats on the head.

I really needed some sleep .. and I needed to stay out of the Dream War until I could figure out how to stop sabotaging myself with my own temper.