The Snack that Smiles Back

The sex was good. You know .. one of those days where it all just ... worked. It was not meant to be goodbye sex .. though it turned out to be. It was the kind of sex that was good enough that the rest of the day fell into line and you felt in control of it all .. so in control you did not even have to do anything to control it .. it just did it for you. But it did it for you because you were really ... that good.

I do not know if you have to be a guy to understand that .. but I do know that any guy who has been there ... will. I do not know if I will ever outgrow that rush ... I hope not.

Pacu and date have grown close .. and Astar has welcomed the little thing into her wagon with them. I had no idea she would ever be so with a slave but .. leave it to date to be the one to woo them both. I hate to lose her .. but not for any jealousy .. I just really liked having her always there ... always available and I never had to come in to a wagon that felt so empty. It never actually gets that "lived in" feel to it ... but it was not so cold and deserted. Watching the three of them together .. I could not refuse Pacu. He is one of my best friends and Astar looks after me like no one else.

I have been watching the men with their personal slaves around the fires and I have noticed that they do not send them away to serve others as I do with my own. Or as I have in the past. I changed that a little with bell when I had her in my personal collar but .. I am becoming even more convinced now that sharing personally collared slaves is not really necessary. Camp slaves? Well of course .. they are bought/stolen/accepted for the purpose of serving those around my fires. Even to the point of not getting service a lot of times myself. So is it any wonder that I begin to feel the desire for a slave that serves me and me alone? with no need or expectation that I send her to any other feet?

I suppose it may seem odd that I even ponder these things .. but I am learning. I am very young and I have not owned that many slaves myself. Cared for only a couple of them in a way that cut deeper beneath the surface. For me they were always something that I threw out there .. shared .. felt no severe possessive control over .. save their behavior. But watching Pacu with date and .. the other men at the fires with their own personal slaves I begin to wonder if I have missed something. Sacrificed something I need not have.

How could I not listen to my own words as they spilled from my tongue to T'zuri? Things I had never spoken of to any woman .. let alone a free one. For obvious reasons .. I am not out to offend. But they were true things .. things I believed. Though of course she is quick to call them into question .. quick to show me a woman can think much different than a man. I wonder if we will ever agree on anything.

So .. it is a filtering of all these things. The things I have said ... the things she has responded with .... and the things I witness around me. They begin to form into new pieces .. new ways of seeing the world around me and how it all works and fits together. New vistas with new colors.

The sex with date was .. that good. What kind of sex would it have been if I had cultivated .. dug deeper ... connected with her as Pacu has. I can not help but wonder now ... even in my current state of mind .... what have I been missing?