Scarlet Ribbons

Music, when soft voices die,
Vibrates in the memory;
Odours, when sweet violets sicken,
Live within the sense they quicken;

Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,
Are heap'd for the beloved's bed:
And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,
Love itself shall slumber on.

-Shelley

I am in a black mood today. Too many thoughts that will not silence themselves. Frustrations. It all started with another parchment and a scarlet ribbon.

This one was new. Or I should say .. not old. Tied to the dry little weed by a scarlet ribbon. This time the words made me angry. I wish I could speak with such soft and beautiful words. I envy this woman her tongue. Instead I am harsh and unforgiving. Rude and savage. A man who is surprised by a touch of kindness and a man who would rather see my slave prostrate at my feet than hugging me. I am strait forward in my thinking and actions. Without many trimmings to dress it up in or make it go down easier. I have harsh opinions and even harsher values. I do not force others to have them .. but I am deeply driven by them.

I will hit a woman in anger and I will not feel sorry for it. I will rape a woman and I will not ask forgiveness. I will take what I want from the plains and I will kill those that try to stop me. I do not hate them .. they are simply weaker than I am and it is our way to take what we please. I respect courage more than strength. I respect strength more than intellect. I respect intellect more than possessions. I respect possessions because it speaks of strength. I respect strength because it speaks of a will to live and conquer. I respect intellect when it is coupled with courage to make a man brave. I have seen many smart men shredded on the wrong end of a lance. Their intellect did not save them from the true thrust of a strong warrior. Now I actually consider myself a smart man .. but I am alive and well because of a strong arm and a good aim.

But these words .. they make me want to know a different way. They make me want to see something beyond the horizon I have never known or seen. They are poison. Dweller lies to make me weak. I spit on the parchment and I threw it from me into the wind. But the scarlet ribbon I could not give up. It caught the light when I went to throw it from me. I tied it to Pekoe's mane. The scarlet catching the breeze within his white silk hair. Like a ribbon of blood. It reminds me how much the words make my heart bleed. If I were blind I could not see them. Today I cursed the woman who taught me to read. And then I wept for I miss the harsh touch of her gnarled old hands and her crackling voice and her strength when other weaker souls failed to face the cruel winds her knees never buckled .. and I miss ... well I just miss her.

Today I opened my arms beneath the Sky but it was not to pray. It was to scream my wrath and anger. It was to fight against the heavy yoke that I feel upon my shoulders. I shoved my feet down in the stirrups and I stood high to challenge the Sky to face me with courage and skill. But as always I was left with silence. Emptiness.

My mood is black indeed like my eyes and I turn my head away from the little dry weeds with a jaw set in muscle like stone.