Disrespect

"Tribe Above All"

With all the new prospects recently I have heard a lot of words about Tribe. About what it means to be Tribe. About what it means to put Tribe above all. About Tribe being family. And yet .. when one of the Tribe decided to put his own disrespect felt above all others and faced punishment for this no one stood with him in that punishment. People decided they wanted him and him alone to suffer the consequences of his own actions and that I should not punish the whole for one who acted outside the boundaries of what is right. I felt a slight pang with this.

It began when I was alerted that one of the prospects I spoke for had been violated. Now I do not mean that her virginity was taken .. or her body was molested in any sexual manner .. more specifically her hair was cut. Now I have been very clear about how I feel and believe when it comes to people's hair. But what was more important in this instance was that Shi .. instead of chaining the woman to my wagon wheel .. took it upon himself to punish a woman who was in my responsibility. I have heard people question and accuse her of whining to me .. her guardian ... of her treatment. And I must answer that anyone who thinks I would tolerate her NOT speaking to me of it must be completely out of their minds. Who else would she come to? Who else would she confess to that she had angered a warrior of the Tribe? How I would have beaten her if she had not spoken of these things to me. This kind of thinking is illogical and based on emotions best kept behind the wagon flap. Small minds must frustrate my patience. Disrespect must also in like manner.

What of the disrespect that Shi felt he suffered which spawned the event in the first place? When questioned this was not his offer of reason .. his offered reason for his action was her own safety. His defensive posturing and attempts to chain me to my own laws instead of reasoning with me as to why he did this thing ... angered me. Instead of being able to address the initial disrespect I had to deal with his attempts to force me to admit he had done nothing wrong. I got so angry I could no longer trust myself to be reasonable with him. I called on Kam who is his commander of Oralu to step in. If Kam saw no problem with what Shi did I would have stepped back and let it drop. I would have still been angry .. but I would not have pursued it further. But Kam saw a problem .. attempted to question Shi himself and got no further with it than I did. Shi did not respect Kam as his commander. Kam stripped Shi of his command. I do not believe .. myself ... that Kam stripped Shi of his command for cutting a woman's hair. I believe Kam stripped Shi of his command because of a lack of respect.

Since I have been Ubar I have never stated in plain words how I expect people to act concerning prospects. There are traditions that go back many generations and for the most part these traditions are followed. I asked all present to step forward and tell me how they felt. If my thoughts were mine alone I could and would accept that and keep them to myself. All who spoke to me did not like the idea .. but many wanted it made more clear as to what was acceptable and what was not. So I set about the task of creating a basic outline as to how prospects should be handled. I sent out Drummers to alert the Tribe I wanted feedback on ideas concerning this. Many wished for these traditions to remain unnamed and unguided. That by creating guidelines I was punishing the whole Tribe for the actions of one. And so I am brought back to the pang that I felt. Are we not all as one? Do we not all suffer the consequences of the actions of each one of us? Is not Tribe above all ... well .... Tribe above all and not each individual above others? Do I not suffer the consequences of Shi's actions. Just as I do Kam's and Lochlan's and Bo's and do they not suffer the consequences of my own actions? Are we not all part of a whole? Learning to work and deal with each other and manage our differences in the best way possible? I can not deny my anger with Shi. That is why I requested Kam to step in and be impartial. But the truth is I will fight to protect Shi from disrespect from a prospect as quickly as I will fight to protect myself from disrespect from him. In this case though I never really was given the chance to do so. I hope that if disrespect was the reason that Shi did what he did .. that he will bring it to me as he should and I can then deal with the prospect as it should have been handled in the first place.

In the end I do not believe that I punished anyone for my frustrations concerning this issue. I believe that my basic guidelines are instead a healthy boundary that will in the future keep misunderstandings to a minimum. I am sure this is not the last time I will feel anger .. I am sure there will be someone else who feels it ... but I hope that the basic lines of respect that I have drawn will make it a little easier on us all.