Family

I have a family. A Tribe family. I do not have a family that is brought together by blood for better or worse. I have my wagons and the family of Oren but as I have stated before we are of like independence and brought together in such a way. Which is much different.

Also as I have before stated .. subtly ... I have stopped flirting with Falon. I am too tired and busy to flirt with anyone actually but with Falon there was some reason and she finally came and asked me of it. I was pleased that she did. I explained to her that her family was a little overwhelming and was taking me some time to get used to. Now each one of them I appreciate for what they bring to the Tribe. Each one I respect for various reasons. But together as a family I was out of my element and in strange lands. I did not fully understand the way they treated each other. That would take some time. Time I had very little of for such things. To just sit and learn. They all seemed connected by many invisible strings. Feelings .. thought processes and actions. Her own thoughts and reasoning seemed to be threaded through with everyone else's. I have no basis to understand this. I find when I am angry with one of her family I can not speak to her of it. And in the past she has even asked me not to. Now this I can understand and respect .. but it also negates many of the talks we used to have.

That and any time I get pushed into doing something I set my heels and straiten my back to resist. A weakness in my character I imagine. But appreciated or not it is still a part of me and will influence my own actions. Perhaps one day I will grow out of it and be mature. Perhaps.

In any case I have taken a few steps back. Not that I ever wanted anything but the chance to get to know Falon. And that is something I would still enjoy doing .. but it will be in my own time and as I get used to the concept of family. I can not help but think that if I can not get along with her family that a mating with Falon would be a complete disaster.

Of course lately I have begun to think that any relationships of mine will be complete disasters. People make demands on my time and yet .. when I even acknowledge their lack of it .. Perhaps it is for the Ubar to remain alone. Is there room in one life for a family and an Ubar? I do not know the answer to that question yet.