Natural Consequences

It is my experience that it takes all kinds of people to create a group. Like genetics it keeps things moving and flowing without inbreeding and crippling generations in the future. I have a way of thinking that is not like most others. I am all right with that. I have learned to let others talk .. to even request they talk to me when they have a problem because I can tell them why I do things the way I do them and sometimes they are able to see through a window of understanding they may not have had before. At least a window into why I do things the way I do. Now I do not encourage someone to talk to me because they have to and there are times they ask to speak later and I have learned to respect that. One time I asked Tarra a question and it was a very personal one. I had no idea it was personal and I had no idea she felt exposed or on the spot. I leaned the hard way .. for she has never let me forget it. I have never asked her to talk to me until today. Today when I knew she was seeing something I did as unfair. I knew she had a problem and I wanted her to voice it so I could tell her why I did what I did.

You see I treated two prospects completely differently. One was a rude interrupting little piss ant of a man who expected me to hop to and listen to his grievances privately. What .. do I look that service oriented? I would have listened to him in my own good time but if he wanted it said right then and there he was going to have to do it publicly. Then later when I saw that T'zuri seemed to have a problem with what I was saying .. true to form I asked her for her thoughts. She was polite and asked me to refrain from such until she could speak aside from the main fires. And I respected that. I did not jump up to listen to her right then .. I merely respected her wish not to speak just as I had learned from Tarra. Women are strange creatures and I really do attempt to learn how to get along with them. But Tarra .. even though she had taught me this in the first place ... had a real problem with what I allowed T'zuri. Was I not taking a lesson in women from her herself? Had she not showed me that women and their feelings get all bent out of shape when you make them talk about something they don't want to talk about? So why get all pissy with me when I was doing what she had shown me? I tried to talk to her about it .. but she would not see or understand me. I gave up.

But I did not give up before Saresh jumped in just as he did with Lavinia and tried to make women do what I wanted when I wanted them to do it. Now I am capable of standing up for myself. But this was not an attempt to put women in their place .. this was an attempt to get along with them. My attempt .. as functional or dysfunctional as it may be .. it is still my own and no one else's. But as of today I give up. No matter how hard I try I can not figure them out. They tell me one thing and then demand I do another. Now I do not mean they demand me like a man orders a command. I mean they expect something of me as a person and I don't deliver it and then they get all wound up with an attitude. I have struggled to understand them as humans and I simply can not find any logic to them whatsoever. So I am faced with simply a truce. I give up. I do not back down and I do not give up who I am but I am certainly giving up the push for them to tell me their thoughts so I can share my own. I am keeping my thoughts to myself from now on.

Women.