A New Song

Like a melody with single notes .. note by note .. simple ... before all the other is added in. A dance .. one step .. two step ... three step. A string with knots .. one by one a language ... a story of people and events.

I am on new ground here. Creeping along and trying to watch my backside. I know that is not how it is supposed to be. I know it should be different. This learning of love thing .. but I have lived too long with great examples of what is not love that I am all about paranoia. So it happens the way I do it and no other's way.

In my head the woman T'zuri has one foot stuck in being free and one stuck in being a slave. I am just not wrapping my head all around it yet. Dragging my heels a little. Waiting for the lance tip to drive between my ribs from a direction I forgot to look. One careless moment.

The crazy thing is .. notice how many times I use the words insane and crazy lately? There is a reason ... so the crazy thing is that she keeps floating along with me adjusting to my demands like she does not care where I put her or what I do with her or how I feel about it when I do... just so long as she gets to be with me. I get myself all wound up and pull that dominant shit and she nods her pretty head at me. I am all dressed up for war .. lance .. helmet ... chains and all ... sitting on my war kaiila and ... there she is kneeling all dressed up in nothing but a white flag and a smile.

And those black boots.

So how the hell am I supposed to wag war against that?

Right.

So I may not be waging a war here .. but caution is the name of the game.

For days I thought on a collar. Usually it flows quite naturally for me. For bell it was a piece of my belt. It pleased me. For T'zuri I did not know. A length of new leather was oiled and worked through my fingers when I had time. It helped me think. It reminded me of the work I had put into the armband I wore and that is when it came to me. Fell into place.

It was time for a new song. A song that was mine and not someone else's. A song that I was writing.. forming measures and verses to. My history .. the history of Fonce. Had I not .. so many years ago ... asked the Sky for someone to paint with? Back when I believed .. when I had faith. When I looked to the Sky.

So why not. Why not have my own song. Why not create my own music .. my own story. Instead of worshipping and coveting another. I was not meant to live like that.

I am Fonce. I am Haruspex. I am warrior. I am the Ubar of the Tuchuk.

I will have my own song.