Respect..It's Not Just Lip Service

I was walking by Kam's wagons when Chay snagged my attention with a request for a few moments of my time .. if I were not busy. I told her this was an easy request to grant even if I had been busy .. which I was not. She said that was a good thing to know. I am not sure why she did not know this about me ... but I am relieved she now understands it.

She said she wished to apologize to me. I asked her why.

She said because her actions not only dishonored her mate and herself but me as well for it reflected on me as a leader.

I was impressed. I told her I accepted her apology. And that I was thankful that she answered my question of why for it let me know she understood what she was apologizing for. That made it more real to me .. easier to value.

She told me I am often alone .. and asked me why. I thought she meant mate wise and so I asked her if that is what she meant? She said no .. that she hoped I took my time with that one ... I heartily agreed. Then since I had misunderstood her I asked her to focus her question a little more so I could understand it. She said I was not often around family or friends. I told her that I had no family .. and the Tribe was my friends. She asked if I ever wondered what it would have been like to have a family.

That was a very hard question for me to face .. not because I have never thought of it .. but because I think of it all the time. There is always a "what if" haunting me when it comes to my understandings of family and thus even friendship and love.

Because I had at first misunderstood her question to be about Kam's family she said that ... I knew them and that they cared for me deeply. I told her that I knew of Kam's family .. but I did not know them. She asked me what the difference was. I said I did not know Kam's family on a lot of personal levels .. levels like I would know my own family. She asked me if I wanted to. I said .. they are not my family and so there are rules that go along with getting to know them. She did not understand this .. so I gave her some examples.

Mated women .. such as herself and Tarra come with certain rules. Certain expectations for my behavior in regards to them. Falon .. an unmated woman comes with different rules. The men .. with rules and constraints built around time and energy. So getting to know people is a slow process when they are not someone you grow up with .. learning from the inside out.

She said getting to know her was easy .. ask and receive. She said she did not see any problem getting to know her family as if they were indeed blood. I told her I am careful with my time and attention and how I go about things because I am not a mated man and my actions and attentions are often called into question for the most trivial of reasons. I would not overstep on another man's property.

She understood according to the rumors she had heard of the Singer and I ... I hope she meant T'zuri. She also wanted to be clear she did not believe that a mate was property. Now there I disagree though I did not tell her so .. that would have started an argument. One I did not intend to start and so I let it go.

She said she wanted to understand my rules so she did not break them. I told her they were my rules .. not for her. They had to do with my conduct and how I judged myself .. not how I would judge others. She said sometimes she feels like an outsider here ... I told her I did not think of her that way. It is true .. I do not ... and she appreciated that.

Now I then asked her a very personal question. One I will not repeat here ... but I bring it up because in the midst of her answer she said something very interesting to me. She said that she was concerned that T'zuri would hurt me. This shocked me. Why would she care? And .. caring ... why would she then come to that conclusion?

She said she hoped I did not spend so much time with a novelty that I forgot to get to know others around me. I told her .. that T'zuri was not a novelty to me ... but neither have I neglected others in my like and desire to know T'zuri. In fact .. I spent a hell of a lot more time with others than I did her. Circumstance dictated so.

She asked me if I loved T'zuri. I replied that no I did not .. I did not know her well enough yet.

Besides ... I was still angry with T'zuri. But not angry enough yet that I would avoid speaking with her. I was just enough angry that I wanted to speak to her .. and give her a piece of my mind. But that was going to wait until she figured out what had her leather drawers in a twist.

Chay and I spoke a little more about respect .. about how it is given and when. We differ on opinions there but not in a way that I can not understand or accept. Chay went a long way in earning my respect today .. not by agreeing with me or telling me what I wanted to hear ... there was no lip service .. she earned it by being honest with me and not afraid to admit when she was wrong.