Learning the Rules

So ... I asked Cana if she thought love had rules. She told me that two people in love set the rules.

huh

So I asked her what she meant. And she told me that when you love someone often you do it against what others think is right. So was I going to let others set a standard on what I feel in my heart? She tapped her heart and told me to do what is right by my heart .. it would tell me all I needed to know.

ah hell

I told her I did not trust myself so well. That I needed rules. I needed to know what is right .. and what is wrong.

Then she went and said the heart does not have rules .. she was very sorry ... she said ... but not all things have rules.

great

I told her there must be some way to know. Some way to govern and rule the heart and feelings so that there is order and not chaos.

She laughed at me .. and said in her limited knowledge of love .. it was chaos.

fuck

So now I had her attention and she wanted to know if I was feeling things in that itty bitty nearly non existent heart of mine. No she did not say that I .. just added in my own flavor there. But she did want to know if there was someone inspiring something.

I told her I did not know yet .. but that I was on a quest to find out the answer to it all. I want to learn of this love more than I know now .. I wanted to know the rules.

So she gave me an example .. she said some would say that a person should take my breath away .. or perhaps some would say it was like a comfortable fur.

hm

I replied .. but those are just feelings. What are the rules?

She said there are no rules for love. Good thing I was all prepared for this. She asked me if everything needed to have rules and if so .. who made them?

I said .. there are rules for everything .. everything has rules.

So she asked me what kinds of rules I would put on love.

I said .. I do not know that is why I am asking .. you.

We shared some examples of love gone right and love gone wrong. I said .. so there are rules because someone can break them. Someone can be in love and then out of love because of the rules.

She said that perhaps it had more to do with depth of love.

interesting

She said love was not logical. Had no rules. That my heart and my feelings would tell me.

problem

I told her I do not listen to my heart .. or my feelings. They always get it wrong and I do not want to hurt anyone any more. If I could just figure out the rules .. the rules she said did not exist ... I could avoid doing so.

She said .. what if that person plays by a different set of rules.

shit

There are different rules?

Panic

She gave me an example. I listened. This was starting to get complicated. So.. it helps to find someone who thinks of and values people the same way I do.

She said love was complicated.

no shit

I said well I at least have rule number one. I excitedly demanded she tell me another one.

She said .. this is more subjective but that I should always enjoy their smile. That the special person would have a special smile just for me. She had no idea that I would start cataloging each smile I saw after that.

She gave me another rule. that I should be able to talk to this person about anything. Anything at all. Even things that might be personal for them. I asked her how important that was .. she said it was more a guideline than a rule.

I left my talk with Cana in much higher spirits than I began it. I had rules. I had .. guidelines ... or at least a crude beginning of such.

ha

I was right.