Fever

I had ... to get away. There was just too much there I wanted to not think about. You know I get a lot of people making fun of me because I do not like body fluids. This is not true ... though I refrain from arguing at the time ... it is not worth it.

It has nothing to do with body fluids. Fluids are good things.

Pregnant women .. on the other hand.

But like I said .. I wanted to get away. So I went down by the stream and I sat upon the bank and I watched the water flow a few horts beneath my boots and I worked on the playing of my flute. But everything was still choppy and cut off in my head. Small sentences that ended in large punctuation. I could not get things to flow for me. It was frustrating .. aggravating. I ended up just tapping the bone piece upon my thigh in a severe rhythm that for some reason seemed to soothe the fractured mental process I was suffering from.

I heard T'zuri before she got to the edge of the stream. At first I wondered if I would be irritated that I was being interrupted. Then I realized it was probably a good thing. She came over to sit beside me.

I like to talk to T'zuri. Well mostly .. that is until things get more personal and then I do not like to talk to T'zuri. She is odd to me. She knows things I do not. Like Cana. Only .. Cana is safe to talk to. Cana loved Tayco and now she loves Lochlan. She is mated. She does not threaten me with that look. That look that says .. "I want". Want .. what? I am not sure which unnerves me more .. the fact that T'zuri wants ... or that she knows what she wants.

T'zuri is like water. Soft .. feminine ... and relentless. I keep trying to change her mind .. just to see if I can. She molds around my dam attempts and just keeps right on flowing. She is all Tuchuk .. I will give her that.

This time I threw some things at her to see how she felt. Nothing too challenging but some basics. She asked me a few of her own and I told her. I have very little trouble describing what I want. It is who that escapes me. Fitting the who with the what is proving to be a bit of a challenge for me.

Then it all got warm and fuzzy and I had to sabotage it somehow .. because ... well ... that is what I do. I grabbed her braids tight and asked her if she wanted to be kissed. She said yes. I asked her if she wanted to be kissed like a woman caught in my grasp or if she wanted to be kissed as T'zuri. There was no correct answer there. I knew that. But I was feeling angry and frustrated by that time. Questions with no good answers were the repast planned .. but she trumped me. She told me she wanted me to kiss her as Fonce.

Well what the fuck did that mean anyway. Made so much sense I just dropped the entire thing. Not because she was not attractive to me. She is an attractive female and I would have kissed her for no other reason than that .. but my motive was all wrong and bad and so when she shot me down with logic the motive just rolled over and died.

I was feeling rather good about it all .. even though she had bested me on that front .. I did not mind so much. It was a good thing ... after all. But then she had to go and tell me that love had no rules. That is when things just went all to hell.