Ritual

I seem to talk a lot about the parts and pieces of the Haruspex Clan that I do not take part in. I suppose it is natural that the parts I do take part in get less attention ... though I have explained some here and there.

I am not going to give you the details of what I did next. Not for some silly idea that they are Clan secrets that the mere telling of could taint in any way. I could give you great detail and still you would not understand. Which is the actual reason why I do not. You would not understand. Nor would you believe me. And then you would tend to doubt the others things I say and that would be a price I am not willing to pay. Fact is fact and what I can do .. I can do ... and do it rather well. But there are many more important things that I say that I want you to be able to believe in without doubting .. without loss of faith in my truthfulness. Things that have nothing to do with being a Haruspex. Things that have to do with being ... human.

When the ritual was over .. for ritual it was... I had more questions and fewer answers than when I started. As I wrapped my chest in the white bandage I cursed myself for a fool and I cursed the Clan for causing a colossal waste of my time and tissue. Neither one were that plentiful or cheap in my opinion.

Having a Tribe family has been the first step to my ability to one day create a family of my own. It is not something I have ever done before. The process .. the outcome ... it outweighs the magic and power of the Haruspex. To me it is much more of a miracle than I have ever seen done by the arts. Thus it follows that such a fantastic thing would have years of training. Years of learning involved. And I am a novice.

In my quest for belief. For Faith. For love ... I have come to realize that I know less and less. I do not seem to be learning .. I just seem to be finding out more of what I do not know. I am hoping that this is a natural process and at some point I will begin to learn ... what I do not know. But mixed in with this .. or I should say ... the corner stone of it .... are the rules. Why? Because I have based my entire existence off the rules. I have woven my identity with them. They are a part of me deep within the bone marrow and threaded through ever bit of tissue and sinew ... muscle and tendon. Tiny fibers brought together to build strength. Like the threads of leather in a bridle. A piece of tack meant to control the mighty kaiila... and it does.

So when T'zuri told me that love had no rules she shattered something I have been holding onto for a very .. very long time. And it shook me to my core. Threatened to release that molten red hot core all over the place. It weakened the bindings on all I know and believe in. It even called into question the way I believe it. How could the word of such a little chit of a thing do this? Because I believe that T'zuri knows love. No .. not love between man and woman but ... love. I have seen it in how she treated her father before he died .. I see it in how she speaks of her mother and those that come within her circle of influence. I see it in how she speaks of those that do not like her. It is almost embarrassing. Does she not realize? Is she naive? Foolish? Yet I can not see that T'zuri is stupid .. so that means she does it for a reason. I want to learn that. I think.

If there is one woman that I think knows love better than T'zuri it is Cana. Now .. that does not mean other women do not know love ... it just means I am not aware of it yet. So ... off I went on a quest to find out if there really are rules to love or if I was going to have to second guess everything I believed in .. pulling a clean leather jerkin over the wrapping of bandages as I made my way to the main fires.