Flawed

Well it all started with a casual conversation with Falon down by the stream. She told me I was good company so .. being me ... I asked her why?

Falon has been blushing a lot lately. Much more than I ever saw her blush before and this was one of those moments. I think I understand more now after the fact of the conversation.

She told me that she enjoyed my company. Enjoyed having conversations with me because we could talk about anything and neither of us judged the other. That she enjoyed hearing how I thought and felt about things.

I said .. well that was a good reason. And I meant it .. I meant a lot more but I did not say it. I meant that it was a compliment I appreciated. It was something I need to hear once in a while.

She said she liked my company for the simple pleasure that it was me. I am a simple pleasure? I had to chuckle.

We spoke of ties that bind .. a favored subject of mine in many ways ... in this context it was about family and Tribe Family. The ins and outs .. goods and bads. Then she said something interesting to me.

She said that it was hard to be open and vulnerable. To show what is inside. I said I did not find it so myself. I find no difficulty in showing my flaws .. what I am good at ... what I am not so good at. She told me a story of a young woman meeting a wise-beyond-his-years young man. She told me how she had come to go beyond her feelings of friendship for this man .. but I told her ... the reasons you have given me describe friendship. She said no .. there were people she would not share those things with because they would not understand or judge .. she asked me did I not value those things and did I not protect them? And I told her that friendship was someone I could do those things with successfully. Period. She said she disagreed but the beauty of it was that we all had different ideas about friendship.

This was the first time I really understood that what I perceived as friendship could be seen as something much more to someone else. It is something that I would chew on much longer than the conversation lasted.

Falon spoke of her love for me. Something we were going to have to agree to disagree on in definition .. but I wanted to know how she saw and understood love so I could better understand what she offered to me. She said love was a choice .. a choice to be vulnerable to someone ... that emotional responses helped find that person you would choose to do this with. So .. if all this was a choice I wanted to know why she chose me? Logical .. yes?

She said she believed in me. In who I was and who I could become.

Next logical step .. I wanted to know the difference between who I am and who she saw me capable of becoming.

She said when she chose to love someone she would love them for all their strengths and all their flaws .. but everyone has room for improving their flaws.

I .. of course ... wanted to know my flaws.

She told me that I had flaws when it came to pregnant women. She told me I needed to see them in a different way than I did. That I had things all locked away and that I avoided speaking of them even when needled. That I had gotten angry with her when she tried and this was something I needed to improve on.

I am left wondering if love .. according to Falon ... is based on who I am or who she believes I should become. I can not find the bridge of understanding to believe that it can be both.