Down by the Stream

I was walking along the stream when I saw Falon sitting and crying. I was caught in the typical male panic ...what the hell do I do now? Do I slip away so she never realizes I witnessed such? Or do I interrupt and ask her how she is which is a rather redundant question for she is obviously not very well. Concern wars with the desire not to have to fail at dealing with tears because I never can get that one right.

That was when she stood up and started cursing the Sky. Well of course that caused a chuckle. Go Falon. I made a comment that though women do not pray to the Sky she was sure having an interesting conversation. She told me her thoughts and emotions were all twisted up. I of course wondered what this was all about. She told me rather pointedly it was me.

Any self preserving man would have escaped at that point... I must have been harboring masochistic tendencies.

Kaioba joined us at the stream. I probably did not help much with my attempts at making things all right. I rarely do ... make things all right that is. She said our conversation about family still had her all twisted up. I am sure it is hard to know that something you want depends not just on how you act but on how others act. Not very much control there of your own future I suppose ... but that is the way I feel. And though I do not expect everyone to like me I do expect to get along with my mates family. I just do not see it working any other way. That does not mean I was ready to mate Falon or anyone else. Just means that is part of my thought process when that subject comes up. I have not been serious about any woman since .. well ... Kaioba. And that was a long time ago.

I think Falon just wants me to know she makes her own decisions and walks her own path. And I wish there was a way to assure her that I know that to be the case. It is not that I don't think she is independent or capable of holding her own opinions .. despite her words to me after the pyre of Tayco. It really is as simple as ... I do not wish to be mated to a woman if I can not get along with her family. No hidden meanings or motives or secrets. I do not see that changing about myself.

About that time Kam came riding along in the stream looking like a larl ate his best friend and he asked Kai and Falon to leave us to speak.