Under Glass

"if I could but just save one ..."

I hurt her. I hurt her and I was not even trying to this time. She thought I was going to rape her. I was not. The thought was not even in my head .. well ... it is never far from my head with anyone but I can say it was not in my top five thoughts anyway.

I have no one to blame but myself. I suppose if you threaten something it could pop into someone's brain more easily than it might otherwise. I suppose I am the one that planted that fear in her head and now I am paying the consequences .. or rather she did.

I was not even angry .. which I would have had to be to inspire such a thing as rape of a Tribe woman. She pulled her blade on me and that amused me .. good for her. Even if she was dead wrong about what my intentions were .. I was pleased she was on top of defending herself.

But I seem to have stomped all over her vision or .. idea ... or ... anyway I bruised something tender and fragile. Like grabbing a velvet new bud of flower and scarring the petals before they even have a chance to feel the heat and light of the Central Fire. I am not sure how I did something so harsh .. but I know me and I am not really surprised that I did. I seem to do this a lot. Usually the worst when I am not even trying to.

Then she started to cry. Now .. that is the quickest way to piss me off which starts that nasty spiral to anger enflamed actions that I tend to look back on at least with a modicum of regret. Well it would have if I were closer or more emotionally tied to T'zuri than I am. Fortunately for her it only caused irritation and I gave her my word it would not happen again. I would not ever cause her to wonder or fear me. I would never touch her in an aggressive manner .. I gave her my word.

Fortunately for her .. her tears only inspired a desire to protect her from myself and did not inspire the other option.

She asked me why we could not just talk. I was talking .. I said of course T'zuri what would you like to speak of? I guess she meant talk while she is there and I am over here. I can do that.

In that moment I placed T'zuri in a nice glass safe place. A place where there was no more darkness .. no more fear .. no more boogie men in the night ... at least from me. There is a wall between my darker self and her fragile petals of experience. I do not give my word lightly. It will never happen again.