Bird Hunting

My time at the First Fires has been shorter. I am tired out easily and I have to slip away and rest. I am tired of my wagon. I hate my wagon. My wagon is stupid. Even Date is avoiding me.

The few times I have been at the Fires people have been odd. Swinging from stress to jovial in grand sweeps of emotions. Chay asked me when I was going to go hunting with her. I have never hunted with a .. woman... ever. I know some women go hunting ...but I have never been hunting with a .. woman. How does one go about hunting with a woman? Do you have to go slower? What if they have to take a .. if they have to pee.. .. there are no facilities for such out there .. do you have to take a shovel and dig them a hole? How do they do that with all that leather skirting and leggings? I do not want to know. The thought of hunting with a woman has twisted my synapses. I do not know Chay but what I do know I do not mind. She has never had much to say to me .. why would she want to spend time with me? But it would not matter which woman .. I am just not sure about this hunting thing with a female. Would I look down on the man or woman who goes out hunting together? Of course not. But me? I would have to think about that one for a while. A while longer than I all ready have.

The other subject that I have been a part of around the fires is music. T'zuri wants me to learn the lyre .. perhaps she meant a kalika? I do not see myself playing a harp. Why? I do not know. I will have to see this thing she speaks of. Kam and Falon decided that the czehar was better for me to learn. Why is everyone wanting me to play music? To soothe my savage nature?

All the talk of music made me drag out my bone flute. I am just not that good at it. I do not have the patience. Perhaps I need to find the patience. Build character. I looked at the flute and wondered how much character it could build. I have this idea .. kind of like my dance .. but different. I wonder if I can pull it off. The idea gives me some energy .. some hope. Even if it never gets done as I would like it to .. I believe. That is enough for me right now. It fills my heart and makes the darkness lighter .. just a few shades. Something to work on for my future .. everyone needs that I think.

I spent some time with Falon at the stream. It has been awhile since we talked privately .. or at least different from the polite surface conversations at the Fires. It was not very pleasant at first .. she said some things to me that called my integrity and good intent into question. I was offended by it. But as always I kept talking to her .. by the end I think she better understood what I meant in the first place and I think we ended up on the same page .. or close. I am never sure when it involves a female.

After that I went bird hunting. Low impact on my wounds and very good for the soul. Besides it has been awhile since I used my bow. I was tired and slept well when I finally returned to my wagon. Stupid wagon .. I am sick of it.