I Hate Verr

The day began with a talk. A conversation with Oren. She wanted to know why I had sent bell back to the camp slave wagons. Why I had released her from my collar. Her eyes told me she was concerned .. that she knew bell had grown close to being someone that I could look for and want. I knew she wanted to know if I had released her before that happened or if I had released her because that happened. Now .. I suppose it would seem odd to some that Oren cared at all what I did with a slave. But you see .. Oren cares less for the slave than she does for me. And though she has never taken more of an active roll than throwing women my way .. she is still interested in someone .. sometime ... getting through to me. Of course she blames the fact I never finished with my herding lessons.

I hate verr. And though I know there was something there I was supposed to learn and I never did ... I really do hate verr.

"You are too independent Fonce."

"How can a man be too independent?"

"They do not need a woman."

"I do not want to need a woman .. I want to love a woman and there is a huge difference."

"A woman needs to feel needed."

"Then I will find a woman who knows the difference between feeling needed and being wanted or I will find a woman who gives me something no other woman has ever been able to give me and then perhaps I will know how to make her feel needed."

"That is a lot to ask of a woman."

"I am a lot of man to deal with."

"That is true." Her tone was dry and it made me smirk a little hearing it.

"Fonce.. she seemed to know you a little yes?"

"She seemed to .. yes ... but not enough it seems. Or perhaps she knew enough to not wish to know more."

"That is a harsh thing to say."

"I am a harsh man."

"Do you give second chances Fonce?"

"I have yet to find the desire to do so."

"I ask the Sky that you will find someone that inspires your want to."

"I doubt the Sky has anything to do with it. I am not afraid to be alone .. Oren." And then I gave her what she was looking for. "I did not take the key away from bell. She chose to set it down and walk away from it. I did not keep her from me .. Oren ... and I am disappointed."

"Disappointment is a first step Fonce. Perhaps the next woman to get that close will give you something that you will not ever want to lose no matter what they do to lose you."

"Oren. I am an independent man. I will always be a man that a woman can lose. It is who I am and that will never change. I do not hate a woman for being less than I want. I simply want what I want and I will not settle for less than that."

"You are a difficult man Fonce .. I hope that you are not an impossible man."

I shrugged. "If I am Oren .. then so be it. I would rather spend the rest of my life alone rather than settle for a woman who will give up too soon on who and what I am. I will not be doubted .. I will not be a crutch. I will be an independent man for an independent woman who offers me as much as I offer her. If she can not stand on her own feet beneath the Sky and face all that means alone .. than she will never be able to face what I face by my side."

"You are an arrogant egotistical Tuchuk .. Fonce."

"Thank you Oren .. I love you too."

"You must learn to be humble Fonce or you will die lonely and never know what it is to share yourself with a woman."

"It is good you are not a Haruspex Oren."

I hate verr.