Of Music

I finally found T'zuri down by the stream. I wished to speak to her of a few things .. things I had been putting off for a while but still needed to be spoken of. I never really got around to it. I guess I am still avoiding it.

We did speak of music. She is much more knowledgeable about music than I am .. she is a Singer. She showed me the instrument she had spoken of the night before and I did find it fascinating. But it seems so .. delicate and complicated. Much like the czehar. She asked to see my flute and I showed it to her. She asked me to play .. I did a little. As much as I can do anyway. She said I play it like I am holding a weapon. I suppose I do. I probably do everything like I am holding weapon.

She told me about her injury and why she could not play the flute any more. I did not believe her at first .. I thought for sure she was just not working her hand enough .. or that there was a way to play the flute and she just had not thought of it yet ... but when I felt her hand and the scar tissue I knew she was right. She could get a little more movement out of those fingers if she worked them hard .. but not much. It was hard for me to admit that I could not help her do something she was born and raised to do .. that she was indeed correct .. that she would never be healed and this was something she would have to live with for the rest of her life.

It was an example I came to use later.

She asked me some questions and I told her about my mother and father. A mother whose name I have never heard spoken. A father whose name is not allowed to be spoken. I think she understands a little more now why it is hard to get close to me. I do not do close well. I do not do touch well .. as she found out when she tried to touch my hair. I did not mean to hurt her .. but I react very instinctively when someone reaches for me.

I did explain about my hair .. about what it means. I spoke of bell .. of how bell had grown closer to me than any woman I can remember. Though it was hard on her I know .. T'zuri seemed shocked that I hit bell. I had to take a few mental steps back and realize that T'zuri does not know me very well .. nor has she ever felt the sting of my ... attention. It was a reminder .. I listened to it.

In the end I told her she was a frustrating child. That she was too young for the words that she said. That she did not know what she thought she knew. That she should go away ...