I Do Not .. Get It

Blue irritated me today. I wonder if I will ever open a conversation about blue without using that statement. I hope so.

Anyway .. blue irritated me today. Today she came to tell me all the things she had figured out ... her epiphanies. I listened. Words mean very little to me. They mean something .. but not much. You can talk till you are "blue" in the face .. what matters to me is ... can you act on it. Can you live it.

To die for me is easy .. can you live for me?

If she had left it at that .. it would have been fine. Nothing to sing about .. but nothing too irritating. But she went and stepped on something she had no right to step in. She thought she could comment on a conversation I had with Cana. And she thought she could teach me something .. a lesson about it. She is sadly .. poorly mistaken. It is none of her business. It is not her's to comment on. She has no knowledge or right to think she knows a damn thing about it. She does not. She does not know me. She has never been a part of what she speaks with authority on. She can not know .. therefor can not say.

Did she think first of all .. that I would allow her to make a conversation between free people her own?

Did she think second of all that I would allow her to speak with authority on something she has no experience with?

Did she think thirdly that I would tolerate her assumptions about me .. telling me that I am wrong? Arguing with me about me to teach me a lesson about me?

I did not of course. She continued to argue with me. I dismissed her to argue somewhere else. She .. was happy about that. She went to ... argue ... with herself.

I do not get it. I watch her gut herself over and over again ... believing it is me doing it and she is .. happy ... about it. Like she is giving me this gift of sacrifice. Well I did not ask for a sacrifice. That is not me gutting her .. that is her gutting herself. She seems to have a better master/slave experience without me there. That is so strange to me. A slave wanting nothing .. needing nothing from me at all. I suppose it is a good thing .. more camp slaves like that and I would have shitloads of time on my hands for other things.

The best master on the Plains and I do not have to do a damn thing.

But .. it is weird. I actually ... do not get it.