Point of Light

"Do you think I'm stupid, Fonce?"

"That is an unfair question Oren."

She chuckled at me.

I narrowed my gaze at her.

She patted my knee.

I shook my head.

But all in all it really was an unfair question. No I did not think Oren was stupid. Oren has lived a lot of life and survived and maintained her dignity and respect as a free woman. I explained this to her.

Then she asked me how I thought she ever got that way. Did I think she was just born that way? Did I not realize that women had to be taught to be that way? That given the chance they can learn?

Well when you put it that way.

"But I still did not believe I should admit for a moment that ..."

And she interrupted me. "Fonce, I won't tell you that what you said was wrong because I believe in what you said. I trust in what you said to be true and I live my life knowing that you and the other men are there to make sure I am safe .. that my children and grandchildren and their children are safe. But there is more of a truth there that you may be missing in your attempts to be strong and protect."

My jaw tightened but I nodded to her. "Tell me what it is that I am missing Oren .. please."

"Fonce, we all have to have chances to learn. Teaching is not necessarily admitting that there is a weakness. Teaching is to make something better than it has to be. Sakmeta does not have to know that talking to strange men is dangerous .. but she will be better if she knows that. Better, stronger, more reliable than she was the day before. And you need to let Polunu do so without taking away the value of it simply because you are afraid."

I sat up strait and twisted suddenly on her. "I am not afraid."

"Oh but you are, Fonce. You are afraid that people will get scared and panic and in their fear you worry they will endanger themselves even more. You even worry about your pride and your success and the shadow that might be cast on your own identity."

I thought about her words for a long time. "But these things are right and good for me to be concerned of .. Oren."

"Yes Fonce. But in your concern do not shut out the possibility of a chance to teach .. to allow others to teach. That it is not about how you may have failed but about how to make another human being stronger and wiser."

I shoved fingers back through my hair. "I did not mean to do all that."

"I know Fonce, and you didn't do anything wrong. You just missed a chance to further education. I know women have never really given you a reason to trust them Fonce. No one has, but give us a chance, we just might surprise you." She patted my knee again. And for once the gesture did not seem to be patronizing and I smirked and chuckled.

"You are different .. Oren." I said it with a grin but I actually kind of meant it. She was different. She never made me feel less of a man when she chided me or pointed out something I missed. She never questioned my honor or my pride .. she always validated my identity first and foremost and then slipped in a little candy of something extra for dessert .. if I wanted it. It was always something that I could refuse with no consequences. Which of course meant I rarely did because I was free to think on it without any strings and there was wisdom to be had for the taking.

It was why I brought the entire thing to her in the first place. There were things I was getting confused on. Ideas that did not make sense to me. Different rules for different people .. and that had never happened to me before. I needed to understand it. I needed to understand where these new feelings were coming from. And though I did not ask Oren about them specifically .. I learned another piece simply by listening to her advice on Polunu and Sakmeta. Just as I had listened when I spoke to Cana. Neither woman had a clue what all I took away from the talks with them.

I am not sure yet how far these pieces will go to help me in my relationships with women. I do not know if they will be keys to a better understanding. I know that I walked away from both conversations with a little more appreciation than I had before .. with a little more faith ... and a little more value for the female sex... with or without the sex.